(Source: seddonboom, via sockwithstripes)

baacccon:

dgafbitchxo:

hellinheels-xo:

beatboxgoesthump:

THEN RAISE THE FUCK OUT OF OUR KIDS!

AND GIVE YOU ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU’D EVER FUCKING NEED.

AND PAY THE HELL OUT OF THAT FUCKING MORTGAGE.

AND THEN WHEN THE GUTTERS ARE CLOGGED I’LL GET UP THAT FUCKING LADDER AND CLEAN THAT SHIT UP WHILE YOU STAND BY THE KITCHEN WINDOW COMICALLY JUDGING MY WORK.

AND THEN WE CAN VACUUM THE FUCK OUT OF OUR CARPET SO HARD THAT WE’LL HAVE TO GET A NEW ONE.

WE’LL WASH OUR CLOTHES SO GODDAMN FUCKING HARD. FORGET NO RINSE, WE’LL USE HIGH FUCKING SPEED.

BUY A FUCKING MINIVAN TO STUFF OUR BEAUTIFUL FUCKING BABIES INTO IT AND DRIVE THE FUCK OUT OF IT.

THEN WE CAN GO SOME FUCKING PARENT-TEACHER MEETINGS AND MEET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR KID’S TEACHER. THEN JUDGE THE SHIT OF HER IN THE CAR.

AND WE CAN THEN PILE ALL THE CHILDREN IN THE FUCKING MINIVAN AND GO TO THE STORE AND SHOP FOR GROCERIES SO HARD THAT WE ACTUALLY HAVE TO MAKE MORE THAN TWO TRIPS TO GET ALL THAT SHIT INSIDE THE HOUSE.

AND THEN COOK THE FUCK OUT OF OUR KITCHEN UNTIL WE HAVE NO FOOD LEFT AND WE FEAST ON THAT SHIT FOR FUCKING DAYS.

I WILL EAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HOMEMADE COOKIES.

THEN WASH THE SHIT OUT ON THE DISHES TOGETHER UNTIL OUR ENTIRE HANDS GET FUCKING PRUNEY.

WE’LL WATCH OUR KIDS FUCKING GRADUATE AND MOTHER FUCKING TEAR UP LIKE THE BADASS BOSSES WE FUCKING ARE.

WE WILL GROW SO DAMN OLD TOGETHER, WE WILL LOOK LIKE FUCKING RAISINS.

I WILL FUCKING TELL YOU EVERY SINGLE SECOND HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE YOU.

HOLDING EACH OTHER’S FUCKING HANDS SO HARD THAT WE SHIT OUR SELVES.

UNTIL WE DIE AND ROT AS MOTHERFUCKING CORPSES TOGETHER.

TIL DEATH DO US FUCKIN PART.

HAPPILY EVER FUCKING AFTER.

No matter how many times I’ve see this before….lmaoooo

(via sockwithstripes)

richwitkremlin:

moraniarty:

Some of the worst analogies written by high school students.

*some of the best analogies ever written by high school students.

*choking on my tea*

(via sockwithstripes)

ryiohax:

insanity-killed-the-hipster:

spoilersandhandcuffs:

bakerboyswag:

theghostparty:

theconsultingbitch:

the-little-tardis-that-could:

adora-bloodthirsty:

cicerosexual:

captaincondom:

loliface:

cesarfazat:

kurosu:

phantomdoodler:

Why do you assume I wouldn’t eat twenty-two packs of sugar?

yeah really

this is like those anti-music piracy ads that are like “YOU WOULDN’T STEAL A CAR…”

well shit maybe i would

you don’t know me

The first comment. 

even before seeing the comments

i thought

im pretty sure i would eat 22 packs of sugar thank you

above comment

only 22?

more like 100

This assumption that I wouldn’t eat twenty two packets of sugar offends me greatly.

YOU DON’T KNOW ME

YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE

That’s like the anti-piracy ads John Green was talking about.

‘You wouldn’t download bacon!’

YES, YES I WOULD.

Who are you to tell me what I will and will not eat? Maybe ill just drink 22 packs of sugar maybe i’ll eat them i don’t care dammit

Why am I drinking 22 packs of sugar? ‘Cos it tastes pretty damn good.

actually yea i would drink 22 packets of sugar, thank you very much

Because it’s a /flavored/ 22 packs of sugar.

(Source: beenintherain, via sockwithstripes)

masterarrowhead:

bleedingmagic:

my sister emailed me this.

You have an amazing sister.

you deserve to smile. this is here for you when you want to laugh again.

(Source: theyellovvbrickroad, via g-iggle)